Somewhere in the Universe

Today’s text is from Mary Oliver’s poem “Self-Portrait.”

Upward, old legs! There are roses, and there is the sea

shining like a song, like a body

I want to touch

though I’m not twenty

and won’t be again but ah! seventy. And still

in love with life…

It felt almost surreal to return to Lighthouse Beach on Sanibel Island on a cool, slightly breezy, moody cloudy day. I figure it's been almost 10 years since I walked this beach, and given the circumstances of the last year, returning to nature and the water and the sand was one of the greatest gifts of all time.

As I sat in my old beach chair and looked at the light dancing on the water, my mind went where it always does -- to things in my life I can improve. The thing is, my mind went to teaching. This has been my mode of operation for many years. Back in the 1980s and 90s, it was a focus on my business life. Over the past 20 years, it has been teaching, What inspiration can I receive from this environment I can take with me when I go?

I no longer have that purpose.

So the question now isn't as easy. I have been waylaid for so long, I still have very little idea of what my life will look like when I'm past my physical healing phase, which I've been in repeatedly since June. And not to mention the stages of grief. 

*

Mary Oliver's poem is not one I was familiar with, but spoke loudly to me today. It was a model for my visit to the island. I had joked with my brother-in-law about the possibility I couldn't get out of a beach chair. (It wasn't so! I did quite well with these old legs!) The shining sea was in front of me for a few hours, as I sat and just soaked it in. I didn't try to figure anything out. I reflected on the fact I'm in my 70th year and I still love life, even with the ridiculous amount of ups and downs. 

The Sanibel Lighthouse took a real hit during the hurricane of 2022. It lost one of its legs and all its surrounding wooden-framed buildings, an essential part of "the look." The Lighthouse is healed now, and the beach replenished. I, too, am healing and rejuvenated by the presence of nature so close to me. I promise not to ignore it again for so long.

Me and the sea, in love with life

 Stepping through thick sand

I return to a beach of many memories

My camera at the ready, I catch the day

spirits high and meditative.

I no longer know how to answer

Who am I?

My self-portrait is hazy, but it is already formed

somewhere in the universe

Eventually I will find it

But for today, I do something simple

Let it all be

Relax into unknowing.

And then get ice cream!

BONUS PHOTO